Blank Space
by Joyous Flamboyancy
Summary: It's been said that when you die you'll see your past, present, and your supposed future. Well no one said anything about seeing my sorry ass in a finished manga. Seriously this sucks. Self-Insert/OC. No pairings at the moment.
1. God that Reincarnation though

**A/N: I'm jumping on this bandwagon of OC Self-Inserts, yo. I just hope I can make it interesting/ keep up with it.**

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Chapter 698 would be the end of the manga.**

_Warning:_ _Profanities ensue below. Not suited for the weak-hearted or the innocent. Generic opening also. Oh jeez._

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><p><strong>Chapter One: God, that <em>Reincarnation<em> though.**

Ahem.

I'm not going to dedicate an entire speech to how death is a sweet escape from reality and that when I died, it all happened so quick that I barely even felt it.

If you want to listen to a dead girl's thoughts, then hear this: Falling off the roof piss ass drunk is _not_ the way to a quick and painless death my friends. It hurts like a mother and it's a long agonizing 3 minutes before your brain decides, 'Okay time to stop working now'.

Honestly though. Like, why.

What's important is what I saw during those 3 minutes of excruciating pain. It's been said that when you die you'll see your past, present, and your supposed future. I could see how last week I had visited my parents back in my hometown and showed them my intent to graduate college next semester. That was my past.

I saw how I went to this "amazing" party with my group of friends, completely ignored all forms of reason and sense, and drank myself dead. Literally. That is my present. Or, I guess it would be a really early past – but that doesn't really matter because I'm _dead_.

_Fuck._

Seriously, if someone told me that the way I would die would be falling off a roof and smacking right on top of my own car, only to roll and belly flop into concrete I'd call them a looney and proceed to walk away quickly.

I didn't get to see my future, or at least I think I didn't.

It was dark for a _long_ time. With this time, I berated my sorry ass for having such a crap death. Why wasn't it cool like, I jumped in front of a bullet for a friend? Or something real quick like –

"_Push sweetie! Push! She's almost out."_

What in Might Guy's name was that noise? That was _not _English. Yo, I thought Hell was a place where the language was universal! I was a bonafide asshat when I was alive. There's no Heaven for me, of that I was certain. Suddenly the darkness disappeared and I swear I was blinded by the light of Satan (I'm serious when I say that I'm bent for hell). My eyes shut tightly before I heard cooing.

What. Satan does not coo.

"_Look at her…she's precious. Welcome, Akane-chan._"

There's that blasted voice again. Who the hell is Akane? When I finally managed to open my eyes – I could only stare. Yo.

When did Hell have hitai-ates?

When did Hell have _hitai-ates with a Leaf engraved on it and-_ oh no. Did this shit _not_ end 700 chapters ago? What kind of sick joke is this? I didn't ask for this, yo. Is this actually what hell is?! This is- …This was….

Oh my _God_.

It's been said that when you die you'll see your past, present, and your supposed future. Well no one fucking said anything about seeing my sorry ass in a finished manga. Seriously this sucks.

So, as any grown 21 year old would do in the body of a pudgy baby – I screamed my head off. At least I have a good set of lungs on me.

Man this _sucks_.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you've enjoyed it so far. I know nothing's happened but hey, her sorry ass is in the Narutoverse. **

**A dead girl's last wish haha.**

**Review? (:**


	2. God that Infant Life though

**A/N: I'm back! I think what I'm going to do is plan to update every other day (Sunday was a special day because I was free and bored muahaha). **

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Naruto would be forbidden to get a haircut because his hair is immaculate.**

**Thank you to those that reviewed, followed and/or favorite this story from the time I first published it to now!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: God, that <strong>_**Infant Life**_** though**

So I learned a few things after my shit storm from weeks ago. Apparently my name is now Saitō, Akane. I'm also the only daughter of this…civilian family? Ninja family? Frankly, I don't give a damn as long as I'm not part of the forsaken Uchiha family. Honestly, you would think they'd learn not to oppose the-

Digressing here. God damn attention span.

I'm the only butt munchkin they have until they decide to wazoo it out and get a new one. Hopefully not because I'm not planning on sharing anything with anyone here. Do you all know what it was like living in a family of six? Four kids, two parents and not a lot of selfish actions to go around. But as stated before… I'm digressing.

I'm in the Leaf Village. My dad (or I guess the politically correct term in this universe is _otou-san_) is a pink haired ninja. You all heard me perfectly clear.

Pink Hair.

You know what pink hair reminds me of? DISAPPOINTMENT. Okay not _necessarily_ disappointment, but it still displeased me. At least my mother (again, politically correct term for this would be _okaa-san_) had boring brown hair. That, I could handle. Hair in the equivalence of pink lace? No ma'am I will not tolerate that. I don't think so not if my name is-

"_Akane-chan!"_

I look away from the wall I was having an inner monologue at and faced the source of the voice. Sure enough, my mother was walking towards me with my father close behind. I manage a small coo before giggling because why not. I shouldn't rob them of the joys of having a firstborn (even though this is demeaning and I was ready for hell, SO READY).

"_She's so cute! I can't believe I made that!" _ I watched as my mother squealed in delight before nearing the crib and picking up my small body. I noticed that my father blanched and I rightfully assumed my mother (wow it was getting really weird associating them as that) was saying something real...stupid.

"_Well...Yume-chan_,_ I helped too."_

Yume turned and glowered at her husband before pulling my body closer. _"Mmmh. Yeah, you did. But she has my eyes and therefore she's super cute._"

Ok.

I'm hearing kawaii a bit more than I should for my liking… Also, I now know my mother's name. Still going to call her okaa-san though when I manage to form words.

It seemed as if they forgot I was even there (no really, you'd think that they'd notice their child had stopped squirming and now deadpanned at the two of them) as the two bantered with each other in – you guessed it! Japanese.

Probably wondering how I know a few words here and there. Well, back when I was a fucking moron (never letting go on how I died, nope) I was also an otaku. Favorite anime? Oh boy you guessed it…!

Free.

What.

Who _didn't_ like beautiful men parading around in swimsuits?! Anyways, I picked up a few mundane words from watching a multitude of subs to not be _completely_, and _utterly_ –

"_You see!_ _Akane-chan's frowning because you didn't say I helped you make her._" What? I focus my attention to my father who now had white eyes and was animatedly pointing at me in my mother's arms. My face paled before automatically going to a default deadpan as my mother laughed, "_Honey, she looks like she's done with your shenanigans. Why don't you get her another blanket? Her cheeks are pale."_

I fucking _hate_ not understanding anything right now.

But- _besides the damn point_. God this attention span is really going to fuck me up if I don't keep it in check. Now the only thing I _don't_ know is what_ time period_ I was born in. Frankly, I'd rather avoid being born with Kakashi's age group. All that angst, though.

Maybe I was born with Naruto's generation? I mean I'd create a minion out of that adorable blonde. Probably acquire some followers too… bully Sasuke by poking his left arm repeatedly. He wouldn't know what it'd mean, but I would.

Oho, I would. Aha, did I ever mention that I was a bonafide asshat?

I'd probably be able to prevent a few unnecessary deaths. Probably. I could also play Satan and ruin the lives of everyone here. So much for a happy ending, am I right?!

_All these decisions…_ My eyes drooped as a soft yawn left my form. The perks of being a butt munchkin. _I'll think about it later after my nap._ Wish I stayed up a bit longer though.

The brunette gently rocked her baby's small form the moment she heard a yawn leave its small lips. "You're the cutest thing, Akane-chan." She watched the Egyptian blue eyes droop before it fluttered open, as if she was trying to stay awake.

Such a stubborn baby. Takes after her mama!

It didn't last long as her eyes shut and Yume could only internally rejoice. _Yatta, I put my kid to sleep_. Her husband came in with the blanket, a pout adorning his face when he noticed his kid asleep. The pout shifted to a gentle smile when he noticed his dear wife press her nose against Akane's pink hair. It was finally happening. He was a father, and all of his friends were going to see his cute little-

Oh.

His pink brows furrowed as he walked over to the brunette and handed the blanket to her.

"Mah…Yume, how is my old teammate going to see her now? It was difficult getting him to come in the first place."

Yume puffed her cheeks out, "Surely the Uchiha can wait. You had to be re-booked _how_ many times to even glance at his firstborn?"

"But… it was worth it though… Itachi is almost as adorable as Akane."

"…" He felt like he said something wrong by the aghast look his wife sported.

"…What?"

"Your stupidity makes me wonder how you're a jōnin, sweetie." Yume chirped, breaking from her facial expression to insult her lovable husband.

"But...Fugaku's intimidating..."

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><p><strong>AN: Haha, could you see Fugaku actually making appointments for people to see his son? Pfft. Sorry for it being slow, I promise you'll see some interaction with canon soon.**

**Man, that baby's in for a rude awakening.**

**Review? (:**


	3. God that Chakra Sensitivity though

**A/N: Guys, I'm tear-bending all over the place. So many followers! I got a few reviews which was nice and favorites too.**

**Y'all making me happy, yo. Akane's happy too. Will this be the chapter where Akane meets canon? Who knows.**

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Kakashi's face would have been known to the world the moment he became Hokage.**

_Warning: Language not suited for the innocent or weak-hearted._

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: God, that <strong>_**Chakra Sensitivity**_** though**

God fucking dammit.

I should've seen this coming. You know why I didn't see this? Because I'm an _idiot_ who died by falling off a roof. Yes, I'm still very much salty about the predicament of my own reckoning.

But- for the love of Jashin, I read this dumb shit in all those fan-fictions! Surely it wasn't true! Moron without chakra falls into a world _with_ chakra and suddenly said moron becomes the most sensitive little thing to anything chakra related.

…

You know, now that I think about it – I probably deserved all the shit that was coming to me.

It started a few months after my birth into this _hell hole-_ uh, I mean home. I was gnashing viciously on my chew toy (I needed some form of releasing my rage of being stuck in a butt munchkin body) before the hairs on my neck stood up. I flinched, turning my small form towards the door of my room. I waited quietly for the person to come in for about 3 seconds before I let out an annoyed baby shout.

"Aga baba bagawba!"

_Get your ass in here!_

Why the hell were they taking their sweet time in coming into my room? I managed to roll my pudgy body towards the crib handles facing the door and gripped onto them. Did I force myself to stand up? Uhm, no. I am perfectly okay sitting in this crib like a prisoner.

Seriously though. I was. I had nowhere important to go. The whole 'let's see what I can fuck up and/ or save' thing was on the backburner for now. For the love of Jashin, I haven't seen any canon characters yet so no worries.

Anyways, I was going to let out another shout to invite the person in when my father turned the door knob and entered. "_Akane-chan?_" He stated, looking slightly perplexed to see his child faced in the direction of the door with an expectant (and unamused) expression. Usually he'd see me engrossed in staring at my stuffed animals or animatedly throwing said stuff animals out of my crib when I got tired of glaring at them. I was kind of hoping that I could spontaneously combust objects by looking at them.

Still haven't developed that yet. When will they realize I do _not_ like pink? I mean _seriously_ if I ever get a chance to look in a god damn mirror and see that I have pink hair I'm going to…Crap. I'm doing it again. What was I talking about before?

OH!

My father walked over and picked me up before rubbing his cheek against my own. "_You looked like you were ready to see your dad."_

Still don't know what you're saying, man. I stared blankly at him after he stopped rubbing his face on my own and looked at me. After a few seconds, I looked up to his pink hair and let out an unamused whine.

The next time it happened, it was with my mom a few days later. It was pretty much the same, but this feeling woke me up from my nap.

"_Oh Akane-chan… I thought you were still sleeping._" My mother mentioned and I gave her a yawn in response. _Damn itch in my neck not letting me finish eating those cookie dough flautas. How dare you._

I thought it'd be the end of it. Oho, I was so very, _very_ wrong.

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><p>After that incident with my mom, I could always know when my parents were nearing my room and they brushed it off as me being observant. I thought it was them not picking up their damn feet and making so much noise that my neck hair tingles. I've also noted that fan-fiction writers were right when they said that <em>chakra was in every living thing.<em> Whenever a bird would fly by the house, my head would snap up from the children's book my mom would read to me and I just stared at the ceiling until the bird left the vicinity of my home.

She thought it bizarre, but grew worried when I would do it a lot. I still thought it was everyone being obnoxiously loud and I was the only one that could hear it. Stupid right?

The tingling in my neck only grew worse and unbearable when it was someone I _didn't_ know. I was in the living room with a stuffed animal when I felt it. Something was suddenly stabbing into my neck and dragging down towards the nerves in my back. The stuffed animal dropped from my hands as I placed both hands on the back of my neck.

_It's warm._

_God, it's really warm_.

My eyes involuntarily watered before the pain was too fucking much and I started wailing. I don't know _what_ the hell was going on and all I knew was I needed it to stop **now**. I heard clattering of pans and some doors opening before footsteps came running towards me.

"_Akane-chan?! What's wrong?!"_ That was my father.

"_I don't know! I'm taking her to the hospital. She's burning up!"_ The panicking voice was definitely my mother's. I felt her cold hands touching my (probably red) face before it moved away.

They talk too much. I need a hospital and _now_. The pain had only increased when my father came in. Why though? I was used to him how-

"_It must due to something in her chakra." _

Soft footsteps came near to my now curled up form before the pain intensified and moved towards my head.

Jesus Christ, someone knock me out _now_.

"_Back away from my daughter._" Thank god for mothers and their second nature. My wailings shifted into ear-splitting cries of agony as I wished for this shit to stop. Maybe this was the way I should die? Has Satan finally decided that he was done fucking around with me and wanted to take my soul to Hell?

Maybe God was punishing me for taking my father's hitai-ate and throwing out the window.

Look, I don't know _what_ the fuck I did specifically but I'm sure this did not warrant my whole body feeling like a group of people were tap dancing on it with metal cleats.

"_I'm sorry Akane-chan. This'll be quick."_

Darkness enveloped my senses seconds after hearing my father speak.

Thank _God._

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><p>"You say she started to sense your presence since she was 4 months old?" The iryō-nin spoke, writing down what the pink-haired jōnin reported. He noted inwardly that the male would occasionally look over at his 10 month daughter with a worried expression before looking back to the medic.<p>

"I didn't think of it like that first. It just seemed peculiar whenever she would be sitting there watching the door as I opened it to see how she was" The jōnin explained, before the medic frowned.

"You should have brought her in then. Your wife mentioned that your daughter could also distinguish who was coming towards her?" The jōnin nodded, a frown now appearing on his features. "She would always squeal when it was Yume and shout when it was me." Not the time to be salty over his only daughter being potentially biased.

The medic wrote a few more things down before sighing. "Did she ever mention to you what she felt before you entered?"

The jōnin shook his head no. "No…but she always scratched the back of her neck and whenever I would pick her up – there would be goose bumps raised all over her forearms." He made a motion to his own covered arms before glaring at the floor. "I wish I'd seen it sooner. Maybe she'd be awake right now…"

"Quit pitying yourself, Hideo."The male turned to see his wife moved from Akane's still form in the hospital bed over to the two. Her eyes were swollen due to lack of sleep – or, that's what she tells herself. She also told herself that her eyes watered excessively due to the dust she caught in her peripheral when she looked at her daughter.

"Her chakra has been stabilized since yesterday. Why isn't she waking up?"

The iryō-nin looked up from his notebook and gave the new parents a reassuring smile. "She didn't react violently to your sensing your chakra due to the fact she's been used to it for most of her life. The same with the animals that she managed to pick up in the vicinity before you could. I believe that chakra from _another_ human being is what drove her senses awry."

Hideo furrowed his brows, "But when I brought her grandparents over and a few others, she would react fine with them."

The iryō-nin nodded but then glanced at his notebook, "But, that was before she was 4 months old. Afterwards, I do believe her chakra system kicked in to its proper potential. Though – if those same people were to come by her again, I'm certain she wouldn't react so violently due to previous exposure."

Yume's brows went up as she chimed in, "Fugaku had seen Akane before, so why did she react so-…" The brunette bit her lower lip as her blue eyes looked over to their silent child. "…badly with him?"

It was silent before the medic-nin spoke up, "Perhaps it was the introduction to the younger one's chakra. Nonetheless, you shouldn't worry too much. Her vitals are in proper form. She'll be sure to wake up soon."

As he said this, he could notice how both parents seemed less tense and the brunette went back to sitting next to her firstborn's bedside. The pink-haired male let out a quiet sigh before thanking the man. "Thank you. It's just that… none of our family members were mainly sensor-type shinobi, especially ones really sensitive so it gave us a scare…"

"It's fine. We gave her a simple seal to help block off the intensity of sensing another's chakra. Once she learns to properly control it, we'll be happy to take it off."

Hideo could only thank the male once more.

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><p><strong>AN: Look! Indirect canon interaction! Also, before I get any questions – Akane had been asleep when Fugaku had visited which is why she's boasted about not seeing any canon characters.**

**Still doesn't give her an excuse to not think about her task at hand. Tsk, moronic girl.**

**REVIEW, MY CHILDREN. I like to see input! Am I going to fast? Too slow? Am I making any sense? It's supposed to be a bit funny – is it though?**

**Maybe showing you a sneak peek of the next chapter will help fuel your comments? **

Next on _**Blank Space**_

_**Chapter 4: God, that **__**Pink Hair though**_

_No no no no no. NO. SHIT. WHY._

_I pressed my face against the terrible image and managed a croaked sob. This must be a terrible joke. All this damn time… I pulled away from the mirror and ran my small hands against the disgusting pink lace mane– THIS IS MY HAIR._

_I was in denial clearly. I thought my hair did some weird codominance thing and I had pink and brown hair. Don't judge me that could happen to someone._

_This was anime, anime logic trumps all. I also never bothered to find a mirror because – as long as I had brown hair, I was okay right? WRONG. I WAS SO VERY, VERY WRONG._

_After all these months, my sorry ass gets to a mirror and what do I fucking see? DISAPPOINTMENT. Disappointment in the form of my hair and this is all pink and – why?! Is it because I made fun of Sakura in my past life? She was the butt of anime logic, how could I __**not**__ make fun of her?_

"_Akane-chan…Are you okay?"_

"… _NO."_

_When I turned around to demand hair dye, her eyes were wide and her jaw unhinged while she stared at my unamused expression. _

_I pointed to my hair and tried to get her to focus at the task at hand. "No!" I pointed to my hair. What was this woman?!_

_She still didn't respond. Whoops. I think I broke her._

_I don't know what my mother was more shocked about. The fact that I didn't know I had just pink hair, or that my first Japanese word out of my mouth at 10 months was 'No'. Totally not sorry for robbing her of her kid's first word being mama._


	4. God that Pink Hair though

**A/N: Man oh man, you guys are really amazing and I hope you know that! The constant notifications I get only bring a smile to my silly little face. I'm glad you've enjoyed what I've written so far and my goal is to always keep you interested! I apologize for posting this a day later than usual (okay, now two days late. So sorry!)**

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Gaara's new haircut wouldn't have him looking like Erwin from Attack on Titan.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: God, that <strong>_**Pink Hair**_** though**

Being knocked out and being dead are two similar things – well, at least I think so. It gave me the same sense of annoyed dread and loneliness I felt when I…when I… ugh, if I even _mention_ it I'll get even more irritated than usual. I will _never_ let that shitty death go! NEVER.

So, I didn't have any revelations while I was in my knocked out cold state. All I had was rants and vendettas.

"If I wake up and I hear 'sensor' out of someone's mouth – I'll spit fire and flip a table." I grumbled, pacing back and forth in my mind space. It was brighter than when I died, I'll tell you what. When I died, it was dark and I saw nothing. Now, I can see my mind decided to clean its act up and make everything nice and roomy. There's even a memory foam rug here. Guys, _memory foam._ Get it?

I nibbled at my lower lip as my hand ran through my hair. My soul, subconscious…thing, whatever the hell I am – apparently stuck to what I looked like right before I died to probably spite me. Thanks.

But, back to the issue at hand.

"I don't want to be a prodigy…That's going to be so _troublesome_." Seriously, who has time to impress the adults with froufrou shit that took me years to understand? "Itachi can be the prodigy, Kakashi can be the prodigy. Heck, even lil Uchiha boy can be it. Not me. Nope. Not if my name is Saitō, Akane." I pause and furrow my brows, "Wow, that sounds really weird to say my current name like that." I forgot my actual name. Whoops. I don't need it though – not in this place. That name belongs to a stupid dead chick and I'm currently inhabiting the body of a butt munchkin.

"Since I have time though…" Why not make the best of it and actually think up some stuff?

My hand moved from raking through my hair and started to draw into the empty space. It's my mind right? So if I have enough control I could probably…

"Yaaas." My lips pulled into a grin as words started to form as I wrote in the air. Look at that, writing in blank space. In big neon words, the phrase 'TO DO LIST' was placed in front of me with a few tasks already written down.

_Befriend Naruto. Prevent Naruto being an orphan and take care of him by self_

_**AVOID ITACHI. AVOID. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AVOID.**_

"…maybe I'm being a bit eccentric." I muse as I stared at the last one that I wrote in bold letters. I wiped it away and wrote a new one out.

_AVOID THE SCAPEGOAT LIKE THE PLAGUE._

"Much better." No bold. Totally makes it less eccentric.

"_Akane… please wake up soon._"

My head snapped up towards the source of the noise and stare curiously before grimacing. "Oh, that sounds like-"

Mom? Mother? The woman that pushed me into this new world?

"Sounds like Yume." My hand dropped to my side as my To-do list disappears before I could feel a sudden lifting feeling. I faintly wondered if she'd have food for me…please have food.

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><p>Man, I feel heavy as hell. And not the fat kind – more like 'someone thought it'd be funny to place a building on top of me' heavy. My eyes refuse to open for a while before sheer will pried them open and the first thing I see is a splay of white.<p>

White walls, white door frames, white furniture.

_Too much white_. I mentally grimace, blinking a few times to get used to the change in scenery. A voice gasped behind me and before I knew it, I was enveloped in the arms of my mother. I whined out a noise of surprise as she squeezed my body close into hers. "_Akane-chan…thank goodness. Oh thank god. You're okay."_ Her voice was heavy. My eyes softened when I heard a few sniffles leave her just as she pulled away.

Bright Egyptian blue eyes stared at me and it couldn't look any more relieved. There were bags under her eyes and tear stains on her cheeks from probably crying before.

"_Oh sweetie. You have such a sleepy look on your face. Go wash up. Go on now._" I stared at her warily, trying to comprehend what she was saying before her facial expression shifted and her smile fell a little. It came back seconds afterwards before the brunette stood up and grabbed ahold of me once more.

Another sound of surprise left my form as she hauled me up and into her arms like an overgrown butt munchkin (which, when you think about it I totally am right now) and made her way to the bathroom. "_Silly me. I forgot that you just woke up. Aren't I so silly?"_

Are you calling yourself a moron? My face went to an automatic deadpan while she opened the door and entered the bathroom. I shifted in her arms a bit, moving my hands to my eyes so I could rub them awake. How long was my sorry ass out? How was my hair?

Did my breath stink?

I turned to glance over at the large mirror in the bathroom and then – wait.

Wait one god fucking minute.

My head snapped back to the image that I saw in the bathroom and stared. A brunette with her hair up in a messy bun was placing the kid in her arms on the ledge of the bathroom sink. I stared wide-eyed at the image and noted that this same figure was staring back at me with the same muted horror. Bright Egyptian blue eyes watched me and it wasn't from my mother- hell, I think I tuned her out by now. She was talking about my father, I know that much.

I stared long at the image before moving my pudgy hand towards my hair. The image did the same thing, and as our fingers ran in our hair, I could only watch as her face twisted into complete dismay and agony.

Not her… oh god. It wasn't someone else.

This wasn't an illusion.

I reacted when Yume decided to turn the water on, dip her hands in and touch my face. A scream left my parted lips immediately, startling the brunette to back away a bit.

"_A-Akane-chan?"_

I was too busy watching karma fuck me right in the ass to respond.

_No no no no no. NO. SHIT. WHY._

I pressed my face against the terrible image and managed a croaked sob. This must be a terrible joke. All this damn time… I pulled away from the mirror and ran my small hands against the disgusting pink lace mane– THIS IS MY HAIR.

I was in denial clearly. I thought my hair did some weird codominance thing and I had pink and brown hair. Don't judge me that could happen to someone.

This was anime, anime logic trumps all. I also never bothered to find a mirror because – as long as I had brown hair, I was okay right? WRONG. I WAS SO VERY, VERY WRONG.

After all these months, my sorry ass gets to a mirror and what do I fucking see? DISAPPOINTMENT. Disappointment in the form of my hair and this is all pink and – why?! Is it because I made fun of Sakura in my past life? She was the butt of anime logic, how could I **not** make fun of her?

"_Akane-chan…Are you okay?"_

"… NO."

When I turned around to demand hair dye, her eyes were wide and her jaw unhinged while she stared at my unamused expression.

I pointed to my hair and tried to get her to focus at the task at hand. "No!" I pointed to my hair. What was this woman?!

She still didn't respond. Whoops. I think I broke her.

I don't know what my mother was more shocked about. The fact that I didn't know I had just pink hair, or that my first Japanese word out of my mouth at 10 months was 'No'. Totally not sorry for robbing her of her kid's first word being mama.

I watched her for a few more seconds before glaring back at the image behind me. "No! No! Pink hair no! I refuse!" I probably was going a bit overboard with the Japanese but yo, I was _pissed_. I gripped the strands of pink attached my skull and scrunched up my face. I was going to cry. I was going to hurt someone.

I was going to flip a goddamn table for this because this was much worse than finding out that I'm a sensor-type child. Karma is a stupid bitch.

When the doctor came in to check on me, he saw an interesting sight of me pressing my face against the bathroom mirror while Yume was now slumped in a chair staring into empty space. She had long since left the bathroom and found solace in the chair nearby my hospital bed.

"_She said her first word…and it wasn't mama…"_

After watching amusingly at the current predicament, the iryō-nin decided to let himself be known and cleared his throat. He watched at an alarming rate as both my mother and I snapped our gaze to him and how my eyes narrowed.

I clamber down the bathroom sink, slapping down onto the ground with a soft thump before using the floor to push myself up into a walking position. Yume's mother senses kicked in when she heard the sound of my ass hitting the floor and broke out of her stupor, only to see me standing up afterwards.

"Oh, Akane-chan..." She mused and slumped back into her chair. She was out of her funk but not completely out of it. I start off slowly towards the doctor before speeding up a bit and gripping onto the hospital bed leg when I felt I was going to fall flat on my face. He apparently took it as me wanting to get back on the bed because soon I felt hands around my waist and he had me sitting back on the white sheets.

I should piss on it to show my anger. But my pride prevents me to do such a butt munchkin thing.

"_I see she's awake. That's good."_

Yume nodded at his comment, looking once at me before back to the doctor. "_She's awake and had her first few phrases already…"_ None of them mama. Sorry Yume.

The doctor nodded, "_She seems like a bright child. I'll need to do another blood test on her and then she'll be free to leave. The seal will be on her chest,_" The doctor made a motion to his chest and it peaked my interest.

I heard seal…and he pointed to his chest. Also – my mother just glanced at my chest. If I didn't know any better – they probably put a…

My eyes went wide and my hand went automatically to my chest and I pulled the collar so I could take a glance in. I noticed nothing on my skin and looked up accusingly at the doctor. Fucking iryō-nin. There's nothing on my skin.

"_It's not really visible and it won't be unless she encounters unknown chakra. Even then, it won't stay for long._"

I watched him warily before releasing my shirt and huffing. The bastard probably did some hidden shit on it. I suppose that's better then. Nothing's worse than explaining why I have a seal on my chest.

Maybe I could say it's the sign Satan has claimed me as his servant of Hell. That could probably work… I can probably convince the others that I'm going to rule the world and eat the souls of little virgin boys.

Just the idea of fucking around with a bunch of snot-nosed butt munchkins made my lips twitch into a rabid smile. I wanted to tilt my head back and cackle but the strands of my hair fell in my face and I lost all drive to live.

My body stiffened and I slumped into the bed with an annoyed groan just as the doctor finished explaining…something. God dammit, I really need to pay more attention to what goes on. I could hear my mother stand up from the chair and walk over to my slumped form. She sat next to me and pulled me close into her arms. I couldn't help but bury my face more into her before she pressed her lips on my forehead.

"_Sorry, Akane-chan._" She mumbled and I looked up at her in questioning. A glint caught my attention and I snapped my gaze at the needle the doctor had.

"No!" I yelled just as Yume held me against her and I wanted to bite her. How dare she! I didn't necessarily _hate_ needles, I just don't like how it feel in my skin. So invasive. I always avoided it unless I really needed it and right now I don't fucking need it.

I fidgeted against the strong hold of my mother for a bit before letting out a long, resigned sigh. "_Okay momma_" Her hold loosened immediately as she stared down at me. I think I broke her again. She stopped breathing for a bit.

"_You said…_momma…"She muttered finally, and her eyes watered while I watched her warily. My face flinched at the needle in my skin but other than that – I was unamused.

Thoroughly unamused with this bullshit. At least I got candy though for not hollering death when the needle was in my skin.

* * *

><p>After an obnoxiously long time (it was 45 minutes, but still), my mother and I were walking out of the hospital, hand in hand. We might have the same eyes but in no way, shape or form did we have the same emotions running through them.<p>

She was a pleased and relieved woman who had her precious daughter awake and functional. Her daughter even managed to say a few words. Who wouldn't be happy (after the initial shock and mute terror)?

I however, was the epitome of annoyed. My brows were furrowed and usually I would look menacing with a scowl on my face but I still have baby fat. I just looked like a pouting child.

And boy was I pouty.

"Momma."

"Mmmh?" Yume looked down at me with a smile on her face, "_What is it, _Akane-chan?"

"…" I watched her for a while before using my other hand to point at my hair. "No."

"_I can't really help you with that, sweetie. You're going to have to talk to you dad about that." _She responded and my eyes narrowed. All I heard was father and I knew that that pink haired shinobi was going to _get _it when he came home.

When my father finally arrived home, the first thing I did was throw my stuffed animals at him yelling, "PINK. NO PINK. NO PINK." It didn't help that my mother rubbed into his face that my first word was mother (she lied).

* * *

><p>It's been a few days and I've learned to accept this hair.<p>

"_Akane, are you really going to wear that hat while you go out to play?"_ My mother questioned as I pulled at the string on the hat. I looked up at her and blinked once before pulling at the strings once more. She didn't even bother trying to take it off because the last time she did that, I had a mega shit storm and didn't stop crying for hours (I was dedicated in keeping this god forsaken hair _hidden_).

I accept in the house…partially. But outside was a no- no and I'd be damned to even have it out in the open. Who the hell do you think I am?

"Yume!"

No. Close though.

I break out of my musings as I hear my mother's name being called again and the aforementioned female paused in her footsteps and turned. I too gave a glance back and I couldn't help my facial expression as it paled and my eyes bugged out.

_AVOID THE SCAPEGOAT LIKE THE PLAGUE._

The to-do list rang in my head and I wanted to run smack dab into a wall. "…" Can someone _please_ tell me why karma likes to fuck around with me?

"_Mikoto, I'm so glad to see you. I see Itachi is tagging along with you._"

"_It has been a long time. I see Akane's doing well._"

I zoned out of their conversation and stared point-blank at the thing I was trying to avoid. Sure enough, he was quietly standing next to his mother watching me. He had baby pudge still and the natural flush that anyone would have loved to see.

I didn't want to see it.

I don't care if you grow up to be a future heartthrob, get the hell out of my face. You're too fucking nice.

As I watched him, he rubbed his eye with curled hand before staring back at me once more. Seconds ticked by in my head before my eyes went wide.

_Welp, can't really befriend Naruto when you're going to be a teen. Fucking moron._

"…_Akane? Itachi introduced himself. Why don't you say hello?_"

I didn't register that my mother and Itachi's mother had told us to introduce ourselves and Itachi had already done so. I was too busy rolling in the deep ends of my subconscious, screaming.

Now I have to prevent the Uchiha Massacre.

God fucking dammit. You know, Kakashi's angst seems ten times more interesting than this unadulterated bullshi-

_Jab._

Suddenly, I wasn't staring into blank space. I now was staring at Itachi's slightly confused face as his hand went down back to his side. My hand slapped onto my forehead almost immediately to the spot where he _jabbed_ me. My voice was currently occupied with trying to catch my breath.

"…_You okay?"_ His cute little voice asked and I managed to repeat my first Japanese word without missing a beat,

"…NO."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Rolling in the deep, indeed. FINALLY, ACTUAL CANON INTERACTION. Cute baby Itachi is the best Itachi, right?**

**Thank you to all the favorites, reviews and followers I've gained from when I last posted to now! As usual, to fuel your need to review, here's a sneak peek for the next chapter. Sneak peeks aren't necessarily what starts off the next chapter, as you all can see from the previous chapter and this one. It'll all make sense in the end~**

_Chapter 5: God, that Toddler Life though_

_I don't have many friends here. Every time I would go to the park, all the kids would irritate the shit out of me and I would respond by pushing their face in the sand._

_I just don't like butt munchkins._

_There's one that really manages to get under my skin though. Yo, even telling him I'm actually Satan's servant didn't even phase him._

_So when I turned 3, I don't know why the hell my mother had even considered inviting __**it**__ here. By then, I was able to properly vocalize my annoyance with him. By 'him' I don't mean Itachi. It was what Itachi hung out with and what clung to him like a goddamn leech._

"_Watermelon__-chan~" It sung and I could only deadpan as I looked up from my notebook. Thankfully these idiots can't read English so I can form my strategy plan right in front of them._

"_It's Akane. __**A-ka-ne**__. Not watermelon."_

"_But your hair is as pink as a watermelon now and you get really pink when you're upset. Like now! Hah, Itachi was right, your whole face does turn really pink." The young boy placed his arms behind his head and grinned while my hand snapped the pencil I had into two pieces._

"_That's it. I'm going to punch you in the throat."_

"_Oooho, I'm shaking in my ninja shoes."_ _God he pissed me off._


	5. God that Toddler Life though

**A/N: Guess who back with a brand new chap? This gal! Thank you all who reviewed, favorite or followed this story from the time I posted this series to now! You're what fuels my need to put out a chapter! I think now it's just going to be Early Sundays and Late Wednesdays are when I post a new chapter because every other day is DIFFICULT. Seriously, Akane's a handful lol Today's a different situation – I actually had **_**time**_** to review this and send it in!**

**To those who guessed Shisui as Akane's thorn in her side – Congrats! It is him~ Y'all know who you are and good job. Well, without further ado – here's the new chapter! Enjoy.**

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, Suigetsu would get more screen time because he provides beautiful comedic relief.**

_Warning: As usual, language not suited for children._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5: God, that <strong>_**Toddler Life **_**though **

In my past life, I was a die-hard Itachi fan. I wanted to swoop him up in my arms and never let him go.

Now seeing the menace in the form of a quiet toddler unnerved me and I wanted nothing to do with him. That face was terrifying. Wait no, that wasn't it. That's not what had me ripping out of my mom's hold and bolting off like a scared kitten. It was the fact that I had to prevent this quiet toddler from _shitting_ on everyone in the future and making Sasuke into a vindictive little bitch. God fucking _dammit_.

Needless to say my first impression to the Uchiha was less than graceful. But, honestly I'm just happy my mom didn't question my actions when she managed to catch up to me and took my sorry ass home.

It's been a few days since that train wreck happened and I occupied myself by wringing the pink dinosaur's neck my father gave me (seriously, he just doesn't understand that I don't like pink).

It was a good stress reliever and I couldn't necessarily go out and strangle Itachi, now could I?

…Don't answer that.

We all know very well at the ripe age of 10 months, this guy could wipe the floor with my ass within seconds. Good thing that fiasco was the only time I'll meet up with him right? That was just pure coincidence and there's no reason for an _Uchiha_ to come and hang out with a normal civilian kid! Though, when you think about it I'm not really normal…_abnormal_ would be the correct term. Or would it be subnormal-

My neck tingled and I look up from wringing the plush toy's neck to stare at the closed door. I could feel like it was my mother but there was something else with her. Wait, _someone_ else with her. My pink brows furrowed slightly and my face twisted into one of confusion. It wasn't my father, he had a distinct jump of chakra whenever he went to visit me.

I didn't ponder on it too much since my mother's voice echoed as she opened the door and peered in.

"_Akane-chan!"_ She started, pausing once she saw how my hands were viciously around the neck of my current victim- I mean, _toy_. If she was disturbed by it she didn't show it as she continued in a happy tone. Wait, why is she grinning like a god damn moron? "_Sweetie…" _ The door opened a bit more and I could see that she had a silhouette near her leg.

"_Guess who came to play with you?" _ Those doors opened and I could have sworn that I heard something in my brain snap.

A pair of black eyes stared at me with curiosity and amusement as my hand tightened around the toy's neck and with a satisfying _pop_ its head rolled off to the other side of the room.

_Fucking._ _Itachi. Uchiha._

Karma _seriously_ needs to find a better hobby than fucking my ass.

* * *

><p>I spoke too soon.<p>

I honestly just spoke too soon.

It became a regular occurrence for Itachi to come and 'visit'. So much of an occurrence, that there's now a specific itch in a special place that allows me to know if he's coming. That special place is my cheekmeat. Yo, he's jabbed at that piece of flesh so many times that I lost count. His excuse for it?

"_You're getting mad, Akane. Your face is getting pinker than your hair."_

Well gee, thanks for noticing oh wise and wonderful weasel. On the days he didn't manage to hang out at my house, I would pester my mother to read more Japanese books to me because _shit_, this language was complicated and to properly interact with Itachi I needed to speak more than monosyllables.

I expected him to be bored at some point with me and leave me alone (especially with all the times I snapped at him, god damn) but he didn't. He was so persistent and the fact that he was calm about it the whole time _pissed me the fuck off._

Regardless, I… kind of got used to him. I mean, I'm supposed to! How else am I going to keep an eye on him so he won't get stab happy and commit mass genocide at the ripe age of pre-teen?

He _was_ also the only person I permitted to talk to me who was my age.

He was the only one that I permitted to drop the –chan suffix. Anyone else got a solid glare from me and a mental blacklist.

Huh…well I'm trying to say is... that…

Contrary to my _wonderful _personality and _dashing _sense of humor, I don't have many friends here.

* * *

><p>I don't have many friends here. Surprising, right? Yeah, I thought so too.<p>

Every time I would go to the park, all the kids would irritate the shit out of me and I would respond by pushing their face in the sand.

I just don't _like_ butt munchkins. You can't blame me. I'm a grown ass adult playing with children. You might as well slap 'pedophile' on my ass and call me Sally.

Don't though.

There's one that really manages to get under my skin though. Yo, even telling him I'm actually Satan's servant didn't even phase him. _Satan's servant_. If someone told me that I would've been bolting away from them faster than a fat kid going to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I didn't like this kid. My deadpans didn't phase him. I couldn't verbally tell him off because – hello, I'm _not_ that fluent in Japanese yet. Each year, when my mother would ask me, '_Akane-chan, who do you want to come to your birthday?'_ I would always tell her not to invite **it.**

So when I turned 3, I don't know why the hell my mother had even considered inviting **it** here. By then, I was able to properly vocalize my annoyance with him. By 'him' I don't mean Itachi. It was what Itachi hung out with and what clung to him like a goddamn leech.

"Watermelon-chan~" It sung and I could only deadpan as I looked up from my notebook. Thankfully these idiots can't read English so I can form my strategy plan right in front of them.

"It's Akane. **A-ka-ne**. Not watermelon."

"But your hair is as pink as a watermelon now and you get really pink when you're upset. Like now! Hah, Itachi was right, your whole face does turn really pink." The young boy placed his arms behind his head and grinned while my hand snapped the pencil I had into two pieces.

"That's it. I'm going to punch you in the throat."

"Oooho, I'm shaking in my ninja shoes." God he pissed me off.

This little snot's name?

Shisui _fucking_ Uchiha.

Seriously, do I have an Uchiha radar implanted in my ass because how is this happening to me right now?! My neck tingled when the boy came closer and glanced at my notebook. "Mah Watermelon-chan," he started while I slapped a hand against my neck and glowered at the presence that was Shisui. _Satan will feast on your flesh and use your bones as ornaments in his domain._

"What." I deadpanned, noticing now that he was staring at the list I wrote down. What was he looking at? He made a motion to come closer and I glared at him before peering down at my notebook. "What, Shisui? There's nothing –"

My voice stopped in my throat as he pointed to the Uchiha sign I so _stupidly_ drawn near the list. God dammit, they know what signs are! What the hell is my problem! Now he'll know that I'm planning shit and he's going to tell Fugaku and Itachi, then I'm going to get brain-raped by a Yamanaka and holy fucking shit –

"You drew our clan symbol! You really like Uchihas' don't you watermelon-chan…" He leered before snorting out a laugh. It grew into actual laughter when he noticed my face exploded with a dark shade of pink.

This kid was a _butt munchkin._ A bit older than Itachi and I (this little bitch was 5), but a _butt munchkin_ nonetheless.

I abhor him.

He didn't stop laughing when I shoved him away from my book and slammed it shut so he wouldn't look at it some more. I got up from my seated position and growled. It didn't faze Shishui or even Itachi who had been practicing shuriken nearby. We were all situated out in my garden outside since Shisui wanted to get some fresh air and I wanted to get away from the murmur of the adults. You would too if those adults consisted of Yume, my father, a bunch of other villagers whose names I don't care to remember.

I watched Shisui roll on the floor as my face got pinker and pinker. "_Stop laughing!_" I yelled and he managed a sputtered, "B-But w-water…water-puahaahaha-!" I could a vein throb in my face as I clenched my hands together and growled again.

"_Listen here! If you knew exactly what I was drawing that sign, you wouldn't be sneering at me like a bitch and you'd actually be thanking me!"_ I started in English, because right now I didn't need any fucking child to laugh at me. "_I am Satan's most faithful servant! For all you could know I could make everything you love and hold dear to you __**burn**__. You stop laughing right this instant! I demand it!"_

It seemed that his laughter only increased when I started yelling. "S-She went….from….wa…" A wheez, "watermelon…to _peach_."

Peach.

It was like the fuse to my bomb was ignited and I let out a battle cry.

I dropped the pieces of my broken pencil into the ground. He thought this was funny. In my past life I would've flicked him off and went off to eat some ice cream to cool off but my brain was in a toddler's body and reasoning went out the window.

Itachi glanced back when he heard Shisui yelp and a cry of rage leave my form and paused. I jumped the young boy and dug my knees into his ribs while trying to attack his face. He had grabbed at my wrists to keep them from mauling his face and I took the opportunity to strike.

"O-Oi!" Shisui managed before letting out a yelp of pain when my mouth got a hold of his hand and didn't let go. "She's biting me! Itachi! She's biting!" The young Uchiha heir's facial expression grew worried and he ran over to the two of us and paused when the birthday crown on my head fell onto the floor near his feet. He didn't know if he should stop me or stop Shisui.

"…"He noticed the two of us roll away and his cheeks paled slightly. "Ano…guys..." I didn't hear him. I was too busy trying to _annihilate_ this kid.

When he managed to fight back a little switch flicked on in my head and we tumbled around in the dirt, like good kids. After a millennia of us scuffling and rolling around in the dirt (no, it was like 3 minutes) Shisui had me pinned by my shoulders as I desperately tried to reach for his throat. Futile attempts were made and a soft 'pfft' left my lips as dropped my hands. My blue eyes had finally made contact with his black ones and boy did it quell the anger I had against him instantly.

The look of fear on Shisui's face was beautiful. I ignored the fact that there was a determination in there but the _fear_.

Guys, who else can say they made a 5 year old Shisui fear you?

"…" He looked severely confused as I started to laugh. He probably was questioning my sanity right now. "…W-…Wha..." He glanced over at Itachi who was staring at the two of us with a confused expression just as he picked up the birthday crown. Shisui looked back to my shaking form and I started laughing harder. _His face! So priceless. God, I love that fear._

A small nervous chuckle left his lips before the young Uchiha started chuckling louder. In the span of 10 seconds, Shisui was now laughing himself and released my shoulders. I took this moment to roll off my back and onto my belly as my laughs continued.

"Y-You were so _scared_." I managed through my laugh and he wiped a tear out of his eyes as he bent over. "Well yeah… You-haha, I thought you…haha, were _Satan_ or something for a moment there…" Seconds after it came out of his mouth, the two of us howled with laughter more so me than him.

"You guys are idiots."

Both Shisui and I looked over to Itachi who was standing idly there watching the two of us. His face screamed 'unamused' while his eyes were 'confused'. He walked over as I pushed myself up into a sitting position and Shisui had straightened himself up. I had managed to ring my laughter into giggles and shut my eyes to wipe some of the crocodile tears away. I didn't expect to feel someone putting something on my head and I glanced up at Itachi who was now copying my usual deadpan expression just as his hands moved away from my head.

"Don't be stupid, biting Shisui will give you rabies."

Bruh, you're telling this to the girl who died from falling off a rooftop and belly-flopped into concrete. Stupid has left the building and idiocy has come to take its place.

My own hands went up to touch the crown before I let out a small 'hah' and nodded my head. "Thank you-…wait- wha?"

Shisui had just gotten the verbal jab and opened his mouth to say something but the sound of the doors sliding open silenced him.

"Akane-chan! Itachi-kun, Shisui-kun! We want to sing Happy Birthday to Akane-chan now, come inside!" My mom's head peeked out of the house and looked around just before her eyes landed on mine and Shisui's disheveled form.

Her eyes widened slightly and a low 'oh gosh' left her before a smile made its way back to her features. "Akane-chan, fix your crown. Your daddy got that especially for you. Now come on inside okay? I'll have the sink on for you three to wash your hands." With that being said, the brunette went back in and my hands went back to my head.

I fixed my birthday crown properly on my head and made a motion to get up myself but someone stopped me.

"Here." Shisui held out his hand for me to grab and I watched him warily before gently slapping his hand out of my face. "No. I can do it myself." I got myself up and proceeded to brush the dirt off my outfit.

Shisui seemed perturbed by the action but Itachi didn't say anything. He sighed again and made his way towards the open screen doors. Shisui did the same as well, glancing back when I started walking towards my notebook.

"…Yo."

I pause in picking up my book to deadpan at the young boy. What the hell does he want now. "What Shisui?"

He paused before a grin erupted from his face and he called out, "Your pink cheeks and hair suit you, Akane-chan."

My eyes went white and I bared my teeth, "Listen boy the name is **A-ka-ne** not watermelon-" I paused, my features returning to me as I realized what he just said. I watched the five year old grin and run into the household before scoffing.

"You're still a butt munchkin…" I opened the notebook to the strategy page and my face softened just a tad as I stared at my unfinished sentence.

_Danzo can't have…_

"But I suppose… you're a butt munchkin worth saving." I look around for my broken pencil and grab the useful part of it and wrote in the blank space.

_Danzo can't have __Shisui__._

Satisfied, I threw the broken pencil away from me and ran into the household to eat my awesome birthday cake.

I love me some sweet cake, bitches.

* * *

><p>Remember how karma liked to fuck around with me and watch me suffer bouts of choking on my own spit?<p>

The bitch struck again! 3 months later to be exact!

This time, I wasn't expecting it. Though – I wasn't expecting _anything_ with Itachi or Shisui (talk about my shit luck) but _this_ was not what I was expecting at _all_. So I knew my mother and father were friends with the Uchiha due to classmate relations and teammate relations, but here's what I wondered. Why would Fugaku even bother talking with my father after they camaraderie was over? He seemed like the jerk who would use people if they were useful and if they weren't – he'd throw those suckers out into the streets.

There was something else that was bothering me…but I can't seem to pinpoint exactly _what_ keeps nagging me.

See- I knew this crap memory was going to shit on me one day.

It was one of those days where my mother didn't want to cook and my father was in the mood for something quick to chow down. I had busied myself with twirling my pink hair between my fingertips (a habit that fortunately did not leave me from my past life) when Yume clapped her hands together once and spoke up.

"Why don't we go eat at Ichiraku's? I haven't been there for _years_." My father stopped messing with the pockets on his jōnin jacket and looked up to his wife. "You know, that doesn't sound like a bad idea…Plus, Akane-chan's old enough to get a bowl."

The brunette grinned, glancing over to my quiet form at the table. "Akane-chan, doesn't that sound like a good idea?"

I glanced over to my mother and stared for a few seconds before letting out a monotone, "What?" My father chuckled and I narrowed my gaze towards him and let out a huff. "What's so funny?"

"You're always in a daze. What's got you so concentrated, Akane?" I watched him for a second before I smiled at my father. "What's our family specialty?" They looked confused and I asked my father again.

"What's our family specialty?" _Clearly, you know something because you're allowing me to play with Uchiha children. Uchiha children are playing with me. I've checked my ass there's no radar in there._

It got silent at the table and part of me wondered if this was a good idea. I opened my mouth to tell them to forget about it when my mother spoke up. Her tone was light as usual but her eyes were saying something else. "The Saitō family is well-known for…well…"

I wrinkle my nose and ask in a child-like tone, "Is it something bad?"

Her posture shifted and her hand reached out to rub the top of my head. "You're a smart girl, Akane-chan." No, I'm just real curious - and I think I just landed myself in the _prodigy_ category. Fuck.

"Your dad's side of the family can make normal things into stuff that goes boom." She had removed her hand to make a gesture of something exploding. I deadpanned, turning my head to my father while a 'Show me' left my lips.

He was quiet the whole time, going back to opening and closing the pockets of his jōnin jacket before finally responding. "It'll make a mess in the house-"

"Show her, honey. It's fine. I'll clean it up later."

"…But...honey…"

"_Do_ it already."

Yume smiled brightly at my father as he warily watched her just before turning his gaze onto me. He managed to smile slightly before looking around and noticing one of my toys laying nearby. He got up from his seat and made his way over to the small doll and brought it back to the table.

He sat the doll down a little away from his form and I shifted in my seat to get a better look. Is he going to throw clay at it? Is he going to be a Deidara? Because if he is, I'm _so_ having him teach me that. I stared expectantly at him, then at the doll then back at him before glancing at the doll. "There's nothing-"_going on._

"Wait." He stated, speaking up after being silent for a while. He gently touched the doll's head and retracted his hand. I should've noticed his bangs covered half of his face but I was more focused on the reason why the Uchiha still talk with my father. I squinted a bit when I noticed my father's hand twitch before my mother gently pushed me back from the table.

He just touched the damn thing again. What the hell is the point of this-

My mind stopped the moment I heard the sharp noise of something popping and my eyes went on the doll again…or in this case, where the doll used to be. There's no other way to properly explain it other than that this little doll _imploded_.

Its stuffing had fluttered around the table as my father let out a small sigh and bid me to look at him. I forced my gaze from the remains of my doll to my father and noted that he was smiling nervously.

"Papa doesn't look scary…right?"

I was confused by the statement until I looked at his face and paled automatically. I flinched before rubbing one of my eyes and turned my face away. He let out a sigh that sounded pained and Yume mumbled something before I looked back at my father.

"You're going to teach me that so I can prove to the kids I'm Satan's servant." I told him, causing him to look up abruptly from the table back to me and in my heart I thanked god that whatever went on with his face disappeared and he was back to looking like that pink-haired jōnin with a stupid smile on his face. Fuck, if I didn't know any better I would've assumed my ass was in Tokyo Ghoul and I was a child of a Ghoul not the child of a jōnin.

"Ah…Yume…she's not scared…" He seemed relieved and my mother beamed and reached out once more to rub my head. I allowed her to do so as I stared at my dad with a deadpan, "I can't be scared of someone with pink hair."

_You're lying. Remember Yuno? Remember what Sakura's going to be? But seriously though remember __**Yuno**__? Always be scared. _

I ignore my thoughts and my deflated father as I turned to look at my mother. She looked pleased with the situation just before the two of them heard a stomach grumble.

Well, _my_ stomach grumble.

"Ah…right, we still need to go eat. Let's go to Ichiraku's alright?"

I didn't question it because _food_ and it didn't take me long to get out my seat and run towards the door.

"Momma, Papa, _food_." I called, and the two looked over at each other before chuckling at their cute daughter's antics.

* * *

><p>I had completely forgotten my hat as I raced out of our home to get food and wasn't reminded of it until the three of us finally arrived at the ramen stand and the wind blew my hair around. My mother smiled at the unamused look I sported while my father picked me up and placed me on a chair.<p>

"What can I get ya?" I looked up at the man that would be feeding Naruto this _very_ same ramen and beamed. "Looks like we have an eager customer!" Teuchi spoke and I couldn't stop beaming. If this shit _smells _divine it's going to _taste_ divine. I can see why Naruto gets hyped over this food.

In my past life I ate cup noodles like a lifeline (college life, the struggle) and I had sworn never to look at Maruchan ramen ever again.

Though- I said _maruchan_. Not _Ichiraku_, so breaking that sworn promise won't bite me in the ass right? Like, I died. There's no reason for me not to enjoy Ichiraku because of a stupid oath of college struggles. But back to the point here – I'm about to stuff my face with _food_ and I can eat like a jackass because I'm only three. Table manners are learned but not heeded at this age.

_Yaaas._

Yume laughed lightly as I agreed with him whole-heartedly. "Mhm! May I have miso ramen please?" Food. Food. Oh god yes, food.

"Akane! Stop drooling." My mother scolded and I managed to close my mouth and suck up the liquid before it fell onto the counters. Yume deadpanned before rolling her eyes. "You're just like someone I know…" She mumbled though I didn't pay any more attention to her as I focused my gaze on _food_.

I couldn't wait as my parents ordered their own form of ramen and proceeded to bounce up and down on my chair. "Food food food food food- "I chanted quietly in English, ignoring my father's side glance as he chatted with my mother.

He probably thought it was gibberish. At least _he's_ not asking me to teach him this language like some butt munchkin Uchiha (gotta love Shisui's enthusiasm though).

"…Ah, is that who I think it is, -ttebane?!"

I stopped moving in my seat and whipped my head around just in time to see red come at my mother. Squeals erupted from the two of them the moment my mom recovered from the shock and she turned to look over at the intruder I mean, _person_.

"I haven't seen you in _ages_! No- _centuries!_"

I could've sworn I heard double just now. My mom was smiling brightly and animatedly pointing to my father before a happy, "I'm so glad to see you Kushina!"

And- there went my appetite and my last shred of sanity.

I soon found myself not staring at my mother or _the mother of the main character_ and instead was looking at the memory foam in my mind.

Seriously guys. Memory foam.

"Huh…I guess the shock smacked my subconscious out of reality and into this one…or…whatever this is." I look around my mind space before recalling the seconds before. My eyes went wide and I grabbed the nearest pillow and shoved my face into it.

A screech left me and I threw the pillow away the moment I finished. "Fucking _shit_. I should've known that the red-haired habanero would be around Ichiraku. Fucking _shit_. _Shit. Fuck. Damn. _Ugh, now I'm sounding like Jenna Marbles but – _fuuuuuck._" I hissed, running a hand through my _not_ _pink _hair and groaned like a walrus. I paused seconds later and looked up.

"Wait. This isn't bad. This is _good_. This is good. I can meet with her hubby and then meet with her hubby's team. I can try to convince Obito to not love Rin-"I stopped and snickered to myself before wiping a nonexistent tear from my eye.

"Man, that was a good joke. Okay… I have to prevent Obito from dying. Great, 'nother Uchiha on the list of 'can't die'." I sigh and pull out my mental list. I've already crossed off 'Avoid the scapegoat like the plague' because clearly that didn't fucking help.

"Maybe I can let Obito die. And die in that metaphorical sense because he won't…my babe Madara is going to take care of him like a good daddy." I use my finger to write this all out before pausing abruptly.

"Maybe I can prevent Rin's death. That's the straw that really broke the camel's back."

I crossed out saving Obito and circled Rin's name repetitively. "Okay. So that means I'm going to have to cling onto that girl like a dog on a bone."

I sucked in my teeth and wrote out Kakashi's name. "What about this _shit_. The _future Hokage_. The mentor to Naruto, Sausage, and Sakura."

Wait- what did I just say?

"Wait… Sasuke. Not Sausage. God damn I'm really hungry." I put away the list and sigh. "Man, if anyone heard me say 'Let Obito die' they'd gut me like a fucking tuna." I mutter just before I'm abruptly brought back out of my mind by a pain near my cheeks.

"…look at this _gaki_! Hello, is anyone in there?"

I blinked rapidly and vaguely noticed that my mother had a worried look on her face while my father was frowning at Kushina. "If you could not do that to her-"He started and I realized why he was saying that. Kushina was pulling at my cheeks.

I looked up at the jinchūriki of the Nine-tails and managed to deadpan. "I don't know where your hands have been, release my cheek meat." Translation wise, it was 'meat of cheeks' and it got Kushina to let go…only to slap her knee and start laughing. God fucking dammit, could these people _not_ laugh at me for once?!

"Yume-chan! Y-Your kid is too cute!" Kushina managed as she laughed more, using one hand to hold her belly (which I took note of) and the other to hold herself steady.

I proceeded to puff my cheeks out and glare at the red-head's direction before she used her other hand to gently knock on my forehead. "Well I guess there's something in there, gaki. Glad to see it respond. My name is Kushina Uzumaki –ttebane! I was your mom's classmate."

"My name is Akane Saitō and I am Satan's servant. _Fear me_." Yes, this is my general greeting to newcomers. I have to start _somewhere_ to get my minions.

"_Akane-chan!"_ Yume sharply spoke and I looked over to her with an innocent look, "What?" Kushina looked confused for a second before smiling brightly and placing her hand on my head.

I bristle at the touch and watch her rub down on my scalp. Ow.

"You're so cute! That pink hair of yours is completely deceiving, huh _gaki_." It was like she knew exactly what to hit me with as I practically deflated.

_Three years with this and I still can't get over this hair_.

"Minato-kun is going to be surprised when he sees you here! He's bringing his team along -ttebane, and they're all so cute –ttebane!" Kushina released my head, allowing me to properly drop my head against the counter with a slight bang.

"…" _Fuck._ In one way, I should be happy my mother is a social butterfly that luckily had the same class as them – that saves me the trouble of hunting everyone down. In another way, this fucking _sucks_ because now I have to speed up my strategy plan significantly because Kushina's probably pregnant now and Sasuke's probably on his way and _oh my god _the _proverbial_ shit that will hit the fan is going to happen in a span of months.

"Ah- _gaki_, Your ramen's ready! Get it while it's hot or I'll get it for you!"

My head shot up and I whipped my head around to stare at Kushina with a critical gaze and pulled the bowl now in front of me closer to my body. She was all grins but I knew she wasn't joking. I watched her warily for a few seconds before turning back to focus on my delicious meal. My mother graciously handed me some chopsticks while still chatting with Kushina and I held them tightly in my hands.

_Well, bottom's up._

"_Itadakimas-"_

"Kushina! You got here early!"

"Ah, you're here! Minato, look! Yume's here with her family!"

"-_shit."_ I finish as my hand reflexively snapped the chopsticks in two and my stomach fell. Couldn't the little blonde haired _shit_ wait until I had some of this food in my mouth and swallowed it before completely ruining my appetite?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I live to please! 12 pages later and we have a slice of Akane's toddler life! The happy days are slowly ending for her as she realizes that proverbial shit is only months away and she has to **_**interact**_** with people! I know I've been jumping around but it'll slowdown from now on (the most will be a few week time-skips, that's all).**

**I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and to let me know you have to review, favorite and or follow! All three is super pleasing~ Have y'all guessed why this is named Blank Space?**

**The Saitō family specialty is thanks to CW's **_**The Flash**_** character ****Plastique! Don't worry, it won't be mentioned too much – it does have limits, haha.**

**Okay- to stop rambling! I give you a sneak peek to the next chapter of **_**Blank Space**_**!**

**Chapter 6: God that _Masked Face_ though**

_My Egyptian blue eyes immediately made contact with black ones. Soon enough, my 'innocent' face grew into a shit-eating smile. You're going to get it, homeboy._

"_Kashi." Ah, the nickname used of my people. The people who call themselves trolls._

"_That's not my name."_

"_Kaaashi." I repeated, watching with amusement as Obito snickered nearby me as he received his bowl of ramen while Rin tried hiding a smile. Kakashi wasn't pleased though. He wanted to focus on what the adults were saying but I wasn't going to let him off that easily. He also seemed a bit irritated by the reduction of his name and lack of respect._

_But guess what future Hokage, I don't give a fuuuuck. It was then I started shooting questions when I noted that the adults were deep into their conversation._

"_Hey, Kashi. What's under your mask? Why do you wear one?" _

"_It's because I'm a ninja." My cheeks nearly burned by how wide I was smiling. God, I'm __**such**__ a bona fid ass-hat. "My daddy's a ninja but he doesn't wear one. Is it 'cause you're ugly?" Obito choked on his ramen and started howling with laughter._

_Rin wasn't amused and gently frowned at me. "Akane-chan…that's not nice to say to Kakashi."I stared at her with an unamused expression and huffed,_

"_Well, he should just quit being a big baby and show me what's under the mask. If he's not ugly he can prove it to me and everyone right now." Kishimoto never answered the question, maybe I could._

"…_I don't have to answer to you." Kakashi managed to spit out calmly, though I could see that he was getting irritated with my stupid ass self._

_Hell, I would too if I had to deal with me. But his sensei ruined my appetite and he insulted Obito. Yo, this lil fucker needs to __**suffer**__ as my personal scapegoat. _

"_You're going to answer to your maker. Satan is displeased with your lack of cooperation." I hear Obito manage to stop laughing when Rin sharply stared at him and awkwardly cleared his throat. He fixed himself up and glanced over in my direction._

_Finally his eyes widened and he snapped his fingers, "Wait! Shisui was telling me about someone who talked avidly about Satan! You're Akane!"_

"_And we've already passed that threshold sweetie, please pick up the pace...and it's Akane-__**chan**__." I deadpan before his cheeks flushed pink and he looked away. "My bad."_


	6. God that Masked Face though

**A/N: Hey-o, Hi-o! I hope you guys enjoy **_**every**_** word and give me reviews! Thank you all that have followed, favorite, or reviewed so far and as always- you fuel me! **

_**Gaki usually means kids, ghouls, or brats. In this story, it's used as 'brat'.**_

**Without further ado, I bring you the next installment! Happy reading! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it and if you don't- Happy Holidays! **

**By the way, the "**_**italics"**_** with the quotation marks means they're talking in a language that the observer doesn't understand. Without the quotation marks, it's a thought. Unless it's being used to emphasize a word then – ugh, y'all understand. Sorry for taking so long (:**

**I don't own Naruto. If I did, there would be more brotherly interactions with Sasuke and Itachi.**

_Warning: Language? I mean, if you've been here for this long you know that Akane has a potty mouth so you've been warned haha. Some Kakashi abuse but it's all meant well in the name of Trolling._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: God, that <strong>_**Masked Face **_**though**

My father tended to the injury on my hand while I sat with my shoulders hunched up and a displeased expression adorning my features. In light of the situation, I probably _shouldn't_ have snapped those chopsticks in half the moment I heard Minato's voice.

_Calm down Akane. It's not Minato's fault he has shit timing. It's karma. Karma did this._ Because talking to yourself always warranted sanity, right? Karma always had it out for my sorry ass so I shouldn't be surprised anymore when she came for me again.

I let out a small noise that sounded like a mix of a growl and a snort just as my father started to pick out the splinters. "You should be careful sweetheart, those chopsticks are nasty." Another growlish snort left me as I paid no mind to my father. He didn't know the struggle was _real_ for me.

Meanwhile, the _dearest _Minato let out a surprised,

"Yume?! Wow it's good to see you! Kushina and I were worried that you dropped off the face of the earth!" My mother didn't take the comment lightly as a tick mark appeared on her cheek and she glared at the blonde.

"That just sounds like you thought I died, you _dork_." Yume chided while Kushina laughed nervously and made a placating gesture. "Well can you blame us? One moment we hear from you every day- the next, _poof_ you're gone." My mother focused her gaze at Kushina and huffed before wagging a finger at them, "You're lucky I don't take things to heart as easily as I used to."

As they continued to converse, my father finally finished cleaning up my hand and gave me a big grin. "There, all better Akane."

Wait, was he talking to me? I matched his gaze before forcing a bright smile on my face. "Thank you daddy!" What was I thanking him for? I looked at my small hand in his and blanched. Oh right. I probably should've been screaming bloody murder like any other normal butt munchkin but here I was growling like Satan's incarnate-

Wait, no this is good publicity for me.

"Mah, that's your husband right? Is that your child with him?" Minato questioned, glancing over to the two pink-haired menaces known as my father and I.

My grin grew more at the idea of people cowering at my unflinching nature until I heard my mother say my name.

"This adorable toddler is my Akane-chan. She's the reason why I've been MIA." My mother placed a hand on my head and rubbed it affectionately before speaking in my direction, "Akane – say hello to an old friend of mine."

Kushina grinned and nudged Minato's shoulder. "Mah, Minato-kun make sure to listen to the gaki's greeting- It's so funny!" She grinned more at my deadpan and practically shoved her boyfriend (husband? I need to make sure what he is right now) in my direction.

Oh jeez. My mouth clamped shut when I turned the seat around to the looming figure that thought it would be okay to invade my personal space. He had just managed to balance himself, glancing over at Kushina with a soft whine leaving him. "Kushina...I…" Minato stopped when he could feel my gaze on him.

Minato turned back to see me deadpanning in his direction, almost awaiting his supposed hello. A light chill went down his spine when my eyes hardened when seconds ticked by and he said nothing.

He didn't know I was giving myself a pep talk to not act like a fucking moron if he smiles and says something super cute.

Baby blue eyes stared into Egyptian blue and the one that lost was- of course baby blue. He shut them as he smiled, "It's nice to meet you Akane-chan."

Holy Jashin.

_The YELLOW FLASH just said something to ME. Oh my god not all the preparation I've just dealt with could help me with these feelings._

Cease the fangirlism. CEASE AND DESIST.

…

It didn't work out so well.

_Oh my god, look at that face. Look at how his cute cheekmeat move up and scrunch up at all the right places. God damn why wasn't I reborn as Kushina, oh god that ass would have been __**mine**__. This is so wrong but I don't want it to be right-_

"Did…Did I break her?"

I could feel a gentle hand on my forehead and the reigns of my consciousness started to slip from me. _Oh sweet potato Jesus. Say something you moron._

"You're heaven sent and I'm unworthy." Oh Jashin, why is my brain not working properly? Just- _ugh. No._

_NO._ That did _NOT_ just come out of my mouth. My hands went immediately to my reddening cheeks and my left eye started to twitch in light of the many emotions that I'm currently feeling. Anger. Embarrassment. Infatuation. God forbid, _hug lust_.

Kushina found this reaction of mine gut-busting worthy. She was holding onto a nearby seat and doubled over in laughter. Pure tears left her shut eyes as she slapped the seat with each 'ha' that left her shaking form. My mother lightly smacked Minato's hand away from my forehead and narrowed her eyes at the blonde who looked more panicked that he might've broken a child.

"T-The gaki's _face_! Haha, she- she's so-_haaah,_ oh my god the gaki looks like she's going to pass out! M-Minato, _look_…" She didn't finish as she started laughing harder when my gaze finally met hers.

"…" If looks could only _kill_ right now! But even if it did it would be counterproductive to the 'Save Everyone' persona I was going for.

Kushina's spouts of laughter didn't even register in my head until it had decreased to giggles. "Whoo man…thank god you're a gaki or else I'd think I'd have competition or something of the sort…" I gripped my cheeks and tugged down at them to keep myself from mouthing off something inappropriate for a butt munckin.

Think happy thoughts…happy thoughts.

_Smiling face with just enough indent in his cheek that it could be considered a dimple; Yellow hair that's just going to look great when wet – his mouth opening to speak really immaculate vocabulary while his eyes are glowing with warmth "__**It's nice to meet you, Akane-chan"**_

"…" What in the flying _fuck_, brain.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I literally felt _steam_ coming off my head as my brain currently fried with that obnoxiously fabricated memory. My father was scolding Minato for something while my mother glanced from my teetering form and Kushina's energetic giggles.

_Oh, look – I see some stars. _

I managed to pry my hands off my face before it got dark real quick.

Shit, not again. I really need to stop blacking out.

* * *

><p>Yume's eyes widened when she felt a sudden weight against her arm. The moment she glanced down she could only squeal in shock at the fact that her kid was now slumped with her essence exiting her body from her mouth.<p>

"A-Akane-chan?!" She asked worriedly before her husband guffawed. "AKANE-CHAN!?" He was much more animated as he picked up the near lifeless form of the toddler and tried to shake her awake.

"Sweetie, Say something- SOMETHING, **ANYTHING**."

The brunette felt sweat go down her back as her daughter's head simply flopped around before lolling backwards with the essence still exiting her mouth. Was this usually supposed to happen when your toddler meets a new grown-up?

"Uh…" She started before her husband handed Akane to her and whirled to scowl at Minato. The blonde's eyes were white and sweat dripped from his face as he had both hands in a pacifying gesture.

"Oye, Namikaze…" Yume could've sworn she saw an evil glint in Hideo's eyes as he slammed his hand down on the counter, "Are you going to take responsibility for this?! How could you – my precious Akane-chan!"

"W-wait now, I didn't really do anything …!" Oh jeez, what was his team going to think of him now?

"Nonsense! You have that _face_." The pink haired jōnin spat the last word out as if it were a curse. "Overwhelming my darling little angel- how could you even think of doing such a thing? She's three, y'hear?"

Yume could feel more sweat go down her back as she watched her husband verbally eat at Minato. "Uh…dear…sweetie…" She paused and let out a long sigh when Hideo started going off on his usual 'Akane is a precious gem' rant.

_Hopefully Minato won't get too worn out from it._

Kushina plopped down next to the spare seat next to the brunette and gently jabbed her shoulder. "Your husband's a real talker, neh Yume-chan?"

_You have no idea…_ Yume nervously chuckled before situating Akane's limp form in her arms. "But he means well. I'm sure Akane passed out due to hunger pains."

"Ohooo, I know the feeling. The gaki didn't even touch her ramen – ttebane! It's going to get cold and the noodles will get all soggy." A look of terror passed over the red-head's features before she focused her gaze on the young girl. "But she's cute, neh? You and Mikoto-chan both have cute runts."

_I suppose so_. Yume nodded in agreement before nudging her friend, "You should hurry up and join us hm?" A lewd grin erupted from her features as she watched Kushina visibly stiffen and blush. Her cheeks were a gentle shade of red as her hands fiddled with each other in a repetitive manner. Had Yume not been watching her close enough, she wouldn't have seen Kushina's eyes glow with a gentle light or how the kunoichi glanced quickly at Minato before focusing her attention on her hands.

"W-What are you talking about Yume? We're still dating – ttebane! N-no time for that, - ttebane! It's a bit early in the game, don't you think? I-I mean…I need preparation for this –ttebane. L-lots of reading…books and the works,-ttebane…" Her verbal tics increased significantly which made the brunette shut her eyes and start giggling.

Young love was cute.

It unnerved the kunoichi next to her and Kushina whipped her head in her direction. "What's so funny?!"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just been a long time, Kushina." Yume responded, Kushina soon smiling afterwards and mumbling. "Yeah yeah…"

"- which is why _you _are at fault!"

The two females looked up from each other towards their significant others to see that Minato was rubbing the back of his head and laughing nervously while Hideo huffed. The pink-haired jōnin turned away from the shinobi and paused when his eyes caught onto the chūnin team standing awkwardly nearby.

"Oi, is that your team?"

The question brought Yume's attention from the bickering jōnin (well one of them was bickering) to the three-manned group nearby. She involuntarily stared a bit longer at one of them. He stood leisurely with his arms behind his head as he spoke to his teammates. His dark obsidian hair with equally dark eyes after he felt a pair of eyes staring at him and it met with her bright Egyptian-blue ones. She held his gaze for about a millisecond before looking to Minato. "The chūnin team Kushina was talking about." Yume noted the boy had gone back to chatting with his teammates, promptly ignoring their previous stare-off.

"Ah, yeah… We just came from the training grounds..." Minato couldn't jump on the subject sooner. The quicker he distracted the other jōnin, the better it was for him. "Oi _minna_, come over."

At the calling of their sensei, the silver-haired male was quick to walk over, leaving the other two behind. The brunette in their group seemed to take it casually and made her way over while the last one glared and called after the other male in their team.

"Oi! Kakashi-baka! I wasn't done talking! Don't just walk away from me!"

"Sensei called us, so that takes precedence over hearing you babble nonsense." The young boy didn't even glance back as he retorted harshly just before he stopped a foot away from Minato.

The brunette arrived a few seconds later. The last one lagged a bit, grumbling something probably about the other boy.

Yume opened her mouth to express how _young_ his team looked – but the stirring in her arms took her attention.

"…_Stupid…ugh...I need a beer._" Her precious little girl was waking up, but her brows furrowed a bit at the words that sloppily left her child as she stirred awake.

What was a 'beroh'? What was 'stoo-peed'?

One day she'll have to ask her daughter about that weird language of hers.

* * *

><p>Instead of properly passing out into nothingness like most normal kids do – my sorry ass is chilling in what I'm going to permanently call my <em>mind space<em>. I was going to name it MySpace, but I'm pretty sure legal shit will hit me across the face with a case even when my ass currently doesn't reside in a world with such futilities.

"Why oh _why_ wasn't I born as Kushina? My kid would've been a bad ass, and my husband would've been a bad ass _and_ my bitch." I paced back and forth for a bit before bringing a hand up and smacking it down against my forehead. "Oh _derrr_. Because I'm a dumb ass that's going to shit on everything."

Okay, so I wasn't chilling. Ranting is more appropriate.

"This is all so sudden, yo. On a scale of one to even – I can't right now. I need some alcoholic gummy bears. No…I need vodka. Like the Russians."

I started my pacing again, pressing my hands now against my eyes because who the hell needs to see in a mind space?

"Stupid! Stupid! I'm so – _ah shit_!" I moved my hands just in time to see the ground and my face become acquainted with each other.

I rolled around for a few seconds in complete agony as I pressed my hands back on my face to ease the pounding pain. Everything became foggy and darkness overwhelmed my senses once more.

"Stupid…ugh…I need a beer." I groggily mentioned in English, prying my eyes open only moments later.

"Good, you're awake" I looked up to see my mother smiling at me, "Good thing too. You can meet Minato's team."

I deadpanned at the underlying facial expression she was sending to me as she helped me up into a proper seating position and placed me down on the seat next to her.

So – it was Kushina on my mother's left, my father and Minato (I made sure to fleetingly glance at him since we didn't need me to faint again) in front of her, and I was now seated to her right. I blew a stray strand of my hair out of my vision to properly observe the team that I was going to glue onto like a dog on a bone.

Kakashi looked like he was in a dog pageant and he was the prize dog. Honestly look at him, he's staring so obediently at my father and Minato. He's surrounded by his people…_moron_. It was almost tempting to tell him to 'sit boy' and see if he listened. Ironic enough that he gets dog summons…maybe I should take it away from him, see how useful he is now without Pakkun -

No, bad Akane. Help, not hinder. _Help_.

My deadpan expression nearly dropped when I turned my eyes to Rin. What in the Might Guy is this shit? And here I thought Rin was a basic bitch and Obito had no taste – well I was _wrong_. She was basic, but not in the 'eh, you're nothing special to look at' basic. It was a quaint one that I probably wouldn't mind staring at for a long time. She was a 'Girl-Next-Door' kind of pretty though I must say her hair is divine. It's full, and not pink and healthy – did I mention not pink? But it sways right in the wind and it's not pink, and yes I'm still pissed.

_I just want to scalp this child and wear her hair as my own in the name of Satan._ I visibly stiffened and forced my eyes off of Rin. Probably shouldn't state that out loud or else I'm never going to be allowed next to her by Obito… speaking of which, the reason why most of the shit hit the fan in the manga – Obi-_freaking-_to Uchiha.

"…-ane..."

I'm going to make sure you don't cause any trouble for me, boy. You Uchiha and your constant revolutions… Shall I call you Napoleon for the rest of our forthcomings you-

My inner monologues stopped when I felt my mother gently tug at my cheek. I blinked rapidly before hearing her call my name again. "Akane! Really now, you're going to worry me. How many times do I have to call you before you respond?" She released my cheekmeat and I pouted, rubbing the soreness away.

"…Sorry. I just… his goggles…I…they're cool." Lies of course – I wanted to throw that shit into a crossfire of a Fireball jutsu.

My mother 'tsk'ed under her breath but Obito took my half-assed comment well enough to find a seat next to me.

"Hey hey, you think these are cool right?" I nodded once, not trusting my voice to lie to him again. The Uchiha boy grinned before fixing the goggles and spoke once more this time outwards to his teammates, "See Kakashi? I look cool to the younger kids!"

"And a fool to people your age and older." Yo, this asshole didn't miss a beat with insulting the poor kid. I had to suck in some air to keep myself from indirectly adding to Obito's rage. My mother wasn't done with me though.

"You didn't hear when they introduced themselves – did you." She questioned and I let out a small noise and a shrug as she hardened her stare at me. I didn't really _need_ them to introduce themselves to me, you catch my drift? "She's Rin Nohara, the young man next to her is Kakashi Hatake and –"I rose a brow when my mother paused when she looked over at Obito (not that he noticed anyways – he was too busy bitching at Kakashi). "He's Obito… Uchiha."

Something tells me I should keep the fact that my mom took a long pause when she said Uchiha in mind, but at the moment I wanted to hurt the nearest stuffed animal because I am famished.

"Eh…" The universal sound where people didn't know what to say to that. Kakashi looked uninterested in me, Rin looked a tad worried at my slow comments and Obito had rolled his eyes and turned to order his food.

My mother let out a soft sigh before rubbing my head affectionately with her hand. She turned back to the adults and easily got back into their conversation just as easily she got out.

When I was sure she wasn't going to pester me again, my lips twitched slightly and my deadpan expression shifted as I cleared my throat to get the team's attention. They all looked over to me and I tilted my head in Kakashi's direction. " Oi."

My Egyptian blue eyes immediately made contact with black ones. Soon enough, my 'innocent' face grew into a shit-eating smile. You're going to get it, homeboy.

"Kashi." Ah, the nickname used of my people. The people who call themselves trolls.

"That's not my name."

"Kaaashi." I repeated, watching with amusement as Obito snickered nearby me as he received his bowl of ramen while Rin tried hiding a smile. Kakashi wasn't pleased though. He wanted to focus on what the adults were saying but I wasn't going to let him off that easily. He also seemed a bit irritated by the reduction of his name and lack of respect.

Bruh you're probably like 6 years old, I don't need to give you any respect.

And guess what future Hokage, I don't give a fuuuuck. It was then I started shooting questions when I noted that the adults were deep into their conversation.

"Hey, Kashi. What's under your mask? Why do you wear one?"

"It's because I'm a ninja." My cheeks nearly burned by how wide I was smiling. God, I'm **such** a bona fide ass-hat. "My daddy's a ninja but he doesn't wear one. Is it 'cause you're ugly?" Obito choked on his ramen and started howling with laughter.

Rin wasn't amused and gently frowned at me. "Akane-chan…that's not nice to say to Kakashi."I stared at her with an unamused expression and huffed,

"Well, he should just quit being a big baby and show me what's under the mask. If he's not ugly he can prove it to me and everyone right now." Kishimoto never answered the question, maybe I could.

"…I don't have to answer to you." Kakashi managed to spit out calmly, though I could see that he was getting irritated with my stupid ass self.

Hell, I would too if I had to deal with me. But his sensei ruined my appetite and he insulted Obito. Yo, this lil fucker needs to **suffer** as my personal scapegoat.

"You're going to answer to your maker. Satan is displeased with your lack of cooperation." I hear Obito manage to stop laughing when Rin sharply stared at him and awkwardly cleared his throat. He fixed himself up and glanced over in my direction.

Finally his eyes widened and he snapped his fingers, "Wait! Shisui was telling me about someone who talked avidly about Satan! You're Akane!"

"And we've already passed that threshold sweetie, please pick up the pace...and it's Akane-**chan**." I deadpan before his cheeks flushed pink and he looked away. "My bad."

I gave him a dismissive wave, showing I wasn't upset with him and turned my attention to Kakashi. "Well, if you won't tell me why you wear that mask – you can tell me how old you are." I had to get _some_ relevant information for my cause, don't I? "I'm Satan's most trusted servant after all. In fact, I might tell the devil to forgive you if you tell me your age. It shouldn't be that hard right?"

Kakashi glanced over in my direction and shut his eyes. The outline of his lips appeared in the form of a smile and he finally spoke, "Your devil is a lie. You're nothing but a brat with pink hair and an inflated ego."

"…" My jaw unhinged as I watched the butt munchkin shit on my feelings in one go. Man, I honestly forgot how terrible this guy is until Obito dies. Kakashi mistook my silence as obedience and he hmphed. Rin broke out of her stupor before Obito and myself and frowned at the male. "Kakashi!"

"She needs to learn respect. Spouting nonsense about a devil and Satan…all rubbish." He crossed his arms against his chest and reopened his eyes, satisfied at my gob-smacked facial expression.

I finally broke out of my stupor and held my arm out to Obito who looked ready to tackle Kakashi. Aww, he was already defending my honor! I suppose I should feel a bit bad that I'm going to allow half of that pretty face to get smashed... All for the greater good, am I right?

"That was unnecessary! Kakashi-baka! She's just a ki-…Akane-chan?" I used my free hand to push my jaw shut.

The devil is a lie.

Hm, sounds familiar somewhere. But, besides the point. I didn't know what reaction to portray. Was I insulted? Highly. Did I find this funny? Very much so.

A millisecond passed and I started to chuckle. It was like dying- it started slow, then all at once. As I laughed, I got off my seat and made my walk towards the future Hokage. I made sure not to break my gaze with his as more shrill laughter left me. It got the attention of the adults, especially my mother who looked on with wide eyes.

My father just stood there. There's probably a reason why though.

Kakashi stared unamused at me as I got right in front of him, my laughter now short giggles. He was taller than me, oh definitely. A 3 year old brat in front of a – shit…he still hasn't told me his age.

I placed both hands on my hips and forced the smile I had on my face to fall and leave a fairly blank face. "Bakashi. You are going to have an annoying pink-haired brat on your team with an inflated ego similar to mine." I think I just indirectly compared myself to Sakura. But good news is that Kakashi bristled.

Lightning, strike me. Kirin, strike me hard and knock some sense into my god damn fucking head. Strike me right now because I don't know what the hell I'm saying right now. Why the hell am I comparing my ass to – _fuck._

"A curse for you. You don't know when it's going to happen, but it'll happen. And when it does -…hoh, man." I turned away to look at Obito and gave him a thumbs up. He owlishly stared before a grin reappeared on his face and he returned the thumbs up. Rin just sighed and shook her head.

"Oh my…"

"…I take it you're finished?" I didn't even look back at Kakashi before huffing, "Yes bakashi, my curse is finished."

"Good."

Let's just say that even though he's probably a kid still, Bakashi hits like a bitch with a brick.

"SONUVA- OW."

* * *

><p>"…so I heard you cursed Obi's teammate." Shisui started slowly, seeing how I was staring intensely in the hand mirror that my mother bought me for my birthday. More specifically I was staring at the area where I received head trauma from Kakashi a day ago.<p>

In its place came two sweltering bumps from both my parents the next day. Right now it's been two days since that fiasco and then a day since that shit and this bump still refused to go away.

Fucking shit body. Fucking Kashi. Bakashi.

"...Maybe." I drawled out, looking away from the mirror back to the Uchiha. "Bakashi had it coming to him. How dare he say Satan is a lie?" I started, pouting afterwards while Shisui chuckled at my antics. He thought I'd be more upset at the fact that Kakashi had insulted me…or maybe he was laughing at the nickname that I gave him. "How dare he, indeed! Now he'll never learn the awesome language of Satan like me and Obito."

I stop pouting to raise a brow at him, "You still want to learn _English_?" A pregnant pause came and gone before I furrowed my brows and deadpanned, "And _who_ else?" The hand mirror was used as an extension of my hand as I pointed it towards Shisui.

"Yah! I want to learn…Engra…Engr…Angruish, was it? But yeah, that language!" Shisui responded as I deadpanned even more.

"You're ignoring my last question." I mentioned, looking back up to the sky. I see why Shikamaru avidly does this, it's relaxing as hell.

"What question?" He asked, grinning like a goofball. I let out a groan and waved him away. "Neither you nor Obito will learn this sacred language." _How else am I going to hide shit from you all._

I pulled the mirror back and placed it down on the grass beside me. The two of us were outside in my backyard once more – well, it was just me at first lounging on the grass. Shisui decided to scale the fucking stone wall we had and join me instead of going through the front door.

Future ninjas, I swear.

The only reason _why_ I didn't freak out was due to the warm feeling in my chest prior to him scaling the wall. No, not _that_ type of warm feeling. I'm talking the whole sensor-type feeling.

"Anyways, Shisui…do you know how old Obito is?" I hear his footsteps come closer before a shadow overtakes my sight of the sky.

I look up to see his smile a bit wider than usual. "Why, watermelon-chan why on earth would you want to know such an information?" I could feel a vein show as I let out a huff, "Because, I need all information on my future minions."

I wasn't lying about most of it though.

Obito is about 4 years older than Kakashi. If I get Obito's age, and subtract it from 4 – bada bing BAM! I'll get Kakashi's age. Smart for an old timey like me huh?

"He's like…way older than me. Ancient probably. He's so old." Shisui responded, moving to my left and plopping down into the grass. I snorted at Shisui's comment and tilted my head in his direction, "Yeah, that's because you're like…5 years old."

"Hey that just means I'm your senior watermelon-chan and I have more wisdom." Shisui smacked his hands together to rid them of dirt as I scoffed and rolled so I was now on my belly. "First off, it's **Akane** and secondly, is he like 11? Or 13 or something?"

"You're close! You actually have a brain when you try, Watermelon-chan." The young Uchiha looked down at me with a smile as I glared up at him. I think he was internally a sadist because he wouldn't stop until my face exploded with pink rage.

A gentle pink hue appeared on my face as I glared harder at him. "Shisui…" I warned, using my hands to lift myself into a snake pose while he scooted a few ways back and stood up from the ground. He moved his arms behind him, a precautionary measure of course. He didn't want me to sink my pearly whites into his flesh again (I wouldn't have – that's totally beneath me and Itachi had given me a long lecture about how biting people was wrong).

Shisui's expression nary changed when he spoke again. "You know, you're the one making it difficult. Just teach me that language."

"No." I huffed. He 'pouted' before crouching down so that our eye levels were the same. "C'mon. I'll tell you his age if you tell me one word in that language. Deal?"

"…" Why do I feel like this was going to be a terrible idea? I ran a hand through my hair once before holding it out to him. "Ok, fine. I'll teach you a word. One word. That's it."

"Cool." He slapped his hand into mine and gripped it hard with a shake. "Easy enough. He's 12. Now about that word-"

Well, shit. My mouth clicked shut as Shisui started to ramble about how the word has to be something that he can use every day and what not. So – Bakashi is 8. Fair enough. That means I have about a year before Obito dies and then a few months after that to-

"**A-ka-ne!**" Shisui called out, but I didn't notice since I was frowning at a random patch of dirt. See, it's not like I wasn't paying attention to him and all … it was just, well I have the attention span of a squirrel.

A total nut job. See? _Nut_ job? I should be a comedian.

_Jab_. What in the actual fuckery is this?!

"Fucking hell!" I reeled back away from Shisui, releasing my hand from his to move it to my face. "My cheek meat! Why!? I love my cheek meat you wad!" Of course the translation of it came out awkwardly and Shisui simply shrugged it off.

"You were zoning out again. I'm preparing you for the shinobi lifestyle, you can't be zoning out like that!"

"Ugh, ack fine. Just- not the face." He laughed a bit at the statement just before standing up from his crouch and stretching. "Alright Watermelon-chan, I'll see you later."

My head snapped up in his direction. "What? Wait- why? You literally just _got_ here." Shisui rubbed his head a bit nervously as another laugh left him.

"Well, I was supposed to meet Itachi at his place to get dango with him but I got a little sidetracked." He was serious. That was the worst part.

Listen, I don't know about _you_ but personally I wouldn't want to keep a little boy prodigy away from his god damn dango. That just spells trouble – though Shisui and trouble are practically synonymous.

"_Shisui!_ No no no, go! I do _not_ want to be at the receiving end of Itachi's anger." I was a moron, not suicidal. I quickly got up from my spot and started to push the boy towards the wall he had climbed. He was going to go and take Itachi to the dango place, and I wasn't going to have an Uchiha repeatedly poking my cheek until it turned black and blue because I withheld him from getting his food.

We were so rushed (and by that I meant I was literally shoving the poor boy away from my home) that Shisui forgot to ask me the word he wanted to be taught in English. Well, I think he forgot. Though knowing him and his profile, the boy probably didn't forget shit.

After having him scale the wall, I made my way back to where I left my hand mirror and plopped back into the grass. I took a long intake of air and just did breathing exercises for a few minutes before my father came out of the house. He came home early!

"Akane, there you are." His smile was simple and different from the usual happy-go-lucky one he sported. Did something bad happen? The jōnin walked towards me cautiously – as if anything wrong would set me off and I'd bolt out of there (I've done it a few times, remember meeting Itachi?). He finally arrived in front of me and sat across from my small form.

We sat in silence after that. He was watching me with his dark eyes and I was watching him with bright blue ones. It was like he was contemplating whether or not he should say what he was going to say. Like there was an inner turmoil in him and it probably had to do with me.

Narcissistic thinking, I know. But there would be no other reason why he would be sitting in front of me with a small smile and not _saying_ anything.

I finally cracked and turned my gaze away. I blinked curiously at the floor, then glanced up to my father. "Is something wrong, daddy?" Please don't be anything terrible. "Did I do something bad?" My lip jutted out in a pout and I widened my eyes a bit to sport an innocent look.

His eyes widened as well.

Yes! Hook, line, and sinker!

He looked visibly perturbed before a chuckle escaped and he returned to his simple smile. "No, you've done nothing wrong Akane-chan. Your dad was just thinking that you're old enough to learn our family specialty."

I could have sworn glass broke in my head as I gawked at my father. What? I'm like 3 years and a few months, that's not old. It clicked a second later that he probably considered me a prodigy and this was the age prodigies worked at. FUCK.

"…H-Huh?"

Well hot damn that was quick.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well there you have it! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, and for those who already celebrated it – lucky you! I was hoping to have this chapter out BEFORE the New Year, but oh my I'm a sloth!**

**I guess I could say that I'm starting the New Year off with a chapter? Idk, haha.**

**As usual, here's a sneak peek to the next chapter! I promise to update sooner than I usually did! (which was like once every 26 days haha).**

_**Chapter 7: God, those Beasts though**_

_Dogs were okay._

_I didn't hate them, but I wasn't a huge fan of them either. In most situations, I would try to avoid dogs because the whole interaction would be awkward._

_I tried to avoid dog people too. The last thing I needed to hear was, "OH MAN WHY DON'T YOU LIKE DOGS. THEY'RE LIKE A MAN'S BEST FRIEND, DUDE." _

_I've heard that one too many times in my past life and I didn't need that shit to happen again in this life because I will literally blow their head off. Well, I guess not their head – I haven't really excelled in that yet. I could like- make paper blow up. Like one sheet at a time._

_Why buy confetti when you can make your own blown-up confetti paper?_

_But- back to the dog situation. I bring this up because my ass is currently clinging onto a branch with a pack of dogs barking up at me._

"_Oh my god I'm going to be puppy chow." I whined before hearing someone call out to me._

"_Why'd you run?! Dogs smell fear, you know!" The prominent red marks on her cheeks made me want to send a kunai through each of them._

"_How the hell was I supposed to react when a horde of dogs off their leash run at me?! You're crazy!"_

"_The name's Hana!"  
>I fucking knew that.<em>

"_I DON'T CARE. GET THESE DOGS AWAY FROM THIS TREE." Fucking Inuzukas, I swear. If there is a God, please don't let me be teamed up with an Inuzuka. That'd be troublesome._

**Review, Favorite, and Follow my lovelies~ See you next time!**


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